Working with Grief and Divorce
- Guest Writer
- Jun 1
- 2 min read
Guest article written and shared with permission from Stacey Leger - Family Professional
In a collaborative divorce, legal and financial decisions are only part of the work. Beneath every negotiation sits a powerful, often shifting emotional landscape. This is where the family professional plays a vital role—helping clients navigate the psychological realities of separation so that agreements are not only reached, but are sustainable.
Drawing on principles from attachment theory, as outlined by John Bowlby, separation activates a profound response in the human system. Clients may move through phases of shock, yearning, disorganization, and eventual reorganization—though not in a linear way. Each phase brings different capacities, vulnerabilities, and risks to the decision-making process. Without support, these emotional states can quietly shape outcomes: impulsive agreements in early distress, stalled negotiations in despair, or rigid positions when clarity returns.
The family professional is uniquely positioned to track and respond to these shifts in real time. In early stages, when clients may feel numb or overwhelmed, the focus is on stabilization—slowing the process, simplifying information, and protecting against premature decisions. As grief evolves into longing and searching, the work often involves managing heightened reactivity and helping clients distinguish between attachment-driven impulses and long-term interests.
During periods of disorganization and despair, capacity can narrow significantly. Here, the family professional supports both emotional regulation and cognitive functioning—breaking decisions into manageable steps, reinforcing self-efficacy, and ensuring that participation remains meaningful. This is also a critical point for safeguarding fairness, as clients may be more vulnerable to passivity or resignation.
As clients move toward reorganization, their growing clarity and autonomy can be both a strength and a challenge. The family professional helps balance assertiveness with flexibility, supporting clients to advocate for themselves while remaining open to collaborative solutions. This includes strengthening communication skills, reinforcing values-based decision-making, and maintaining a future-focused lens—particularly when children are involved.
Ultimately, the family professional acts as a bridge between emotional experience and structured negotiation. By attending to grief and its varying phases, they help create the conditions for thoughtful, informed, and durable agreements. In doing so, they not only support the process, they fundamentally enhance its integrity and outcomes.
REFERENCES:
Gee, T. (2001). The grieving process in separation and divorce. Grief Matters: The Australian Journal of Grief and Bereavement, 4(1), 6-9. https://www.grief.org.au/Common/Uploaded%20files/Journals/GriefMatters_4%281%29_Autumn01.pdf
Feeney, B. C., & Monin, J. K. (2008). An attachment-theoretical perspective on divorce. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (2nd ed.; Chapter 39). The Guilford Press. [thelossfou...dation.org]
Nelson, J. K. (2010). Separation, loss, and grief in adults: An attachment perspective. In Adult attachment in clinical social work (pp. 79–95). Springer. [psychologytoday.com]
OpenAI. (2026). ChatGPT (GPT-5.3) utilized for editing purposes. https://chat.openai.com/
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